Dear Sophia, You Slept on the Couch Last Night

By the time you have the liberty to read this blog, you might not remember why you did. But I seriously hope you do. Because of all the evenings in the past 9 years of co-sleeping with you, tonight was the hardest. While it broke my heart to see you like our pet cat, curled up and soundly sleeping, I still knew it would do you good.

You see, I told you that if you don't wake up by yourself, you wouldn't go to school today. I was up almost all night going in and out of the room checking on you. Come 4 in the morning, I texted your bus driver not to pick you up. Then I heard a soft knock at the door. It was you – clad in your towel, all wet and shivering, freshly bathed. To be honest, that was like a pat in my back, a star stamp for doing an awesome job in disciplining you.

Your father and I were right all this time – tough love works best for you. 

Remembering Papa

I was eight when my father died. I will never forget that I lied. They were busy preparing for Papa's hospitalization when I told my folks I was not feeling well so I would not go to school. I didn't expect that that absence from school would be the day we will lose the king of our kingdom. 

Honestly, I just cried because my sisters were crying. My mom was hysterical. The first thought that came to me: "paano na kami?"  He was our superhero. Come afternoon naps, when Mama was the fatter version of Queen Ravenna, Papa was our Thor – gwapo and strong. He protected us from whatever punishment we could have gotten from the jail warden. He worked nonstop to always give us what we needed. He brought me to school with our Lite Ace while my sisters commute. My last birthday in 1992, I had a classic mocha cake from Merced Bake Shop, lots of party food and a set of new clothes from Cabbage Patch Kids. New Year's of 1993, he woke me up to welcome the brand new year with the fam bam. He fed me grapes like I was Cleopatra. I was Papa's little Bebeng, I was his princess. But when he died, I knew my tears weren't because I won't see him every day anymore but because I knew this day will come. This day that I will miss him so much. 

Her Superhero

To our King, the fried rice master ---  

who bathed my daughter when she was a baby,

who swaddled her better than I did when she had a fever after a vaccine shot,

who lulled her to sleep in Smashing Pumpkins,

who washed her feeding bottles in all his might,

who gave her his shoulder to ride on,

who danced with her whenever she wanted,

who downloads games because he knows it could make her happy,

who loves pink now because we do,

who tries to memorize the characters of My Little Pony,

who proudly asks his men to make a kite for her,

who lets her hold the steering wheel and prepares her for EDSA,

who rattles in fixing his bunks because his princess will arrive,

who laughs with her like there's no tomorrow, 

who values his job because he wants to give her the life that she deserves,

who plans beach trips because I gave birth to a water baby, 

And most of all -  who proved to her that loving her mother is what he can do best for her. ♥  

 

To my lifetime partner she calls Tatay - HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

*The video was my Father's Day gift  last year.

I'm My Papitoyni's Bebeng

Today marks my 20th year of being father-less. So if you still have a Daddy, Papa, Tatay, Itay, Amang, Pop or Pudrabelle --- make sure to tell him you love him before it's too late. 

This is the letter I wrote for Papa for Father's Day, two years ago --- 

Dear Papa, 

Sabi ng nag-iisa mong apo na babae sa Tatay niya "Happy Far'rs Day!" Ako po gusto ko lang magpasalamat. 

Salamat sa height, kahit pa'no hindi ako matatawag na petite; sa sense of humor na minsan nagagamit ko pag problemado at ayoko pa munang i-solve; sa 8 1/2 yrs mong pagiging cool sherpats sa'kin. Dahil sa'yo, nakilala ko ang Beatles at si Mel Gibson.  

Ang iyong pagkanta ng Maging Sino Ka Man sa stereo natin gamit ang Vicor Records mong cassette tape ay hindi ko makakalimutan, kasi sinasayaw mo pa ko nun. At nung pinakanta mo ko ng Kung Kailangan Mo Ako, sabi mo kaboses ko si Aiza Seguerra. Siguro, kung kasama ka pa namin, baka yang Sarah Geronimo na yan eh sumasali pa din sa mga contest.  

Someday, Baby

Dear Baby Blood,

Tatay came home before my birthday so we could be with you 9 months after. We really wanted to be with you. We prayed and wished for you. Even Ate Sophia was practicing how to be a big sister. She sometimes think of you as her toy dinosaur, Dino. Or her imaginary pet animal, Rekeli. My little angel, Tatay could have been the happiest man if we could be with you. But we lost you.

I am very sorry. I didn't know I already had you.

Four Years of Wisdom

Dear Sophia,

When you were still inside my womb, I already knew you will be a handful. You don't have at least a quark of a gene that will make you the most behaved kid in the universe. You cause riot and hyperventilation to all the people around on whatever place you go to. Your teacher's description about you is so you --- bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. You can be the real Energizer bunny, baby. 

Six Months and Having Fun

Up until you were about to sleep tonight, you made me feel like I'm such a terrible mom. I can't make you say po and opo to me. I guess because you think that there's no po and opo in the English language. Actually, you're right. But you are a Filipino. I can't even make you mano to Mama Amor & Lola Leny. Maybe you think they will feel old when you do that. Let me tell you honey, they are old whether they like it or not. So, please just do it without me instructing you. I do it all the time even if I just finished doing my business in the john. They won't know, don't tell. Or at least say hi, especially to Mama Amor; instead of "you have my lubong, Mama?" Mama Amor is not a courier or a factory of biscuits, she's your grandmother! She gave birth to your Tatay. She was proud of you when she read your assessment. And little girl, when Lola Leny gives you anything; whether it's a shower gel, a new dress or a bunch of bananas, please say thank you. My mother worked hard for that dress or shower gel or bunch of bananas. Have a heart. You make me feel like I didn't teach you that. 

One-year-old Cake Monster!

Okay, I know you are only four and that you still have a year or two to at least read what I wrote for you here. And probably five to six years before you completely understand my point. You are my daughter. I will never, ever make you do or let you feel something that can cause you pain. You would experience a few bumps on the road with your journey with me, but those are life-changing lessons. You won't be the brave and strong girl that you would be without those. As much as I would like to shelter you from things that could hurt you, it is inevitable that you will cry. Buckets of tears, my emotional little diva. You might debate with me someday, that some moms love their child in a different way. But I am not them. I am me. You see, I don't let you watch news yet; as I know in my heart I can't explain those things to you when you ask me why there are blood on that woman's body. Unlike other moms who are proud that their tots watch TV Patrol intensely. Please have your cartoons forever, in the meantime. I know you won't complain. However, let's stick to our rules, no? If it's not Tom & Jerry, you can't glue your eyes on Cartoon Network. Actually, Tom & Jerry can sometimes be nasty, but Oggy and the Cockroaches are worse. Oh no, don't try to whine! That's mandated by the higher office --- your father. 

Two-year-old Character Actress

Speaking of your father, he is not just a playmate. Well, he comes home every now and then when he can, so do not think of him as just a picture. I can see your eyes gleam with delight whenever you see him here, that I know you are in-love with your look-alike. You can't deny that, sweetie. The ears and the rambunctious attitude make you a little Ramon, hence, Monique. You two are my most favorite persons. But when you two come together, on the bed, inside the room --- I can instantly hate you both. You make my job as a domestic helper tougher. Can we all agree that once you mess up the bed, we won't go to sleep? Jeez, I'm stuck. I know you like sleeping late. Girl, if you want to eat your breakfast, you have to sleep! Or else, it'll be called midnight snack. 

Three-year-old Ballerina

Sigh. You are growing up too fast. We were in the supermarket and instead of asking for a hotdog you pointed to a broccoli. You are beginning to astound me with your choices of food. You love macarons, adobo and broccoli. You are definitely a little foodie. I just hope one day you won't ask me to cook steamed mussels for you as I don't eat those. I thought I would be too lazy to cook because I don't have an audience whom I could fish compliments from; but now you are beginning to be my food critique. I hope you won't get tired of my menudillo, pininyahang manok, sweet and sour tilapia, ginataang sitaw at kalabasa, tuna spaghetti and your most favorite --- pork adobo. For now, these are the dishes that can make you look like a teenager eating and tired from a soccer practice. I hope that after a few months, I could introduce you to a wider variety of viands. Say, ginisang munggo? I love that paired with fried daing na bangus. I want that, 'nak. Pretty please?

My Four-year-old Slipper-less Bystander

Nanay wants you to be a better version of herself. I can't demand you to be a prim & proper lady as I am a babaeng-bakla. But I guess it can be more fascinating to see you talk in more mannered way than I do. You are a pretty girl. No doubt about that. So if you will arm it with intellect, grace and faith in God; I know that wherever you will go, you will be okay. That's too early for me to wish that for you though. Let us think of something attainable. Hmm. Here, for your 4th birthday, I wish that you'd wear your slippers without me telling you about germs going inside your feet. I know you can do that! How about a new pair of Hello Kitty flip flops if you would grant my wish? Fair deal, right? 

I love you my wisdom. ♥ 

Regretful I scolded you tonight before bedtime,

Nanay Bebeng