Life Lately: Do you have someone who believes in you?

Few days ago, I fought real hard against sadness brought by envy.

As a blogger, may mga gusto akong ma-achieve na unfortunately, hindi ko nakukuha. Siyempre, diyan na ako magsisimulang mag-doubt sa kakayahan ko. Am I not good enough? Do I really have what it takes to be the next top model este to be an influencer? I even questioned myself once if my posts are still relevant. Pakiramdam ko, wala na akong bagong maihahain sa mga readers and followers ko.

But guys, may nabasa ako. Daig daw ng consistent ang magaling. Mahabang usapin yan, pwedeng topic for debate, pero pinanghawakan ko yan ng bongga. I spoke to the little girl inside me and said, “tie your hair tight and neat, marami pa tayong gagawin.” So kahit napaka-steady bordering to boring na ng #BaonSerye posts ko, tuloy lang ang daily hanash ng momshie niyo. Sa baon-making stories niyo ako nakilala at sinubaybayan eh, kaya hindi ko ito basta-basta bibitawan.

To further leave the puddle of toxicity that I created, I did my best to shift my mental gears. I strongly believe that clarity fosters calmness.

Life Lately: Blogging for His Glory

Things were pretty intense in the Rayala household the past few weeks that iced cold coffee, doughnuts and Netflix weren't enough to calm me. 

It started with Sophia's first Portfolio Review, a quarterly assessment for homeschooling families that's basically the basis of what a student learned at home with her parent-teacher. So you see, it felt like thesis-making in college all over again. Except that I had to collect Math worksheets as proof that she can already do mental addition, subtraction and multiplication of 2 to 3 digits. Also, since Sophia's greatest academic strength is drawing, I wanted to showcase that in all of her subjects, if possible. Can you feel the pressure? Can you feel the force in my nape that slowly gravitates into every nerve in my brain whenever I tried not to yell at a slow-paced Sophia? Can you feel my heart pounding each time I have nervously laid Sammy Bear to sleep, wishing she'd wake up a little later?

Speaking of our baby love, she has majorly contributed to whatever is the total amount of my tiredness. I love her to bits and her laugh flies me to the moon but my back is just dying whenever we're out. Buhatan forever dot com. 

God Heard Sophia's Prayer

When our faith was tested with ectopic pregnancy in 2012, I caught myself strongly believing the possibility of not having a child ever again. You see, it's not a simple EP issue that can be treated by Methergine. Sure, I took that med but the doctor cut my right fallopian tube where a 6-week-old baby blood got stuck. Therefore, giving me only 50% chance of conceiving again. Many times I cried alone just thinking about that.

The desperation and depression got worse months after. I blame no one for what I felt but you know, the society we have is cruel to moms.